When Healthy Love Feels Weird

(But in the Best Way Possible)

You know what no one tells you about surviving toxic or abusive relationships? That when you finally land yourself in a healthy relationship, it can feel… well, weird. Like, “Did I accidentally sign up for a rom-com, or is this real life?” or “When is the other shoe going to drop?” kind of weird.

After years of being with someone who couldn’t handle a basic conversation about emotions without treating it like a personal attack, you might find yourself sitting across from your new, emotionally stable partner thinking, Wait, you’re actually listening? And not gaslighting me? Wild.

The Many Ways a Relationship Can Break You (Spoiler: It’s Not Just Cheating)

Let’s rewind for a second. Toxic relationships don’t just “break your heart.” Oh no, no. They can break you in layers. Like a psychological lasagna of doom. Here’s a taste:

• Infidelity: The classic. The betrayal that leaves you staring at your phone at 2 a.m., connecting dots you never wanted to connect.

• Emotional abuse: The slow drip of manipulation, gaslighting, and control. Bonus points if they made you feel guilty for existing.

• Narcissistic partners: Ah yes, the “I’m always right, and you’re always the problem” champions. Ever feel like you’re apologizing just for breathing too loudly? Yup, that’s them.

• Silent treatment & punishments: Voicing your needs or feelings = sudden cold war. Somehow, “Hey, can we talk?” turns into you being exiled from the emotional island.

• Undermining your confidence: They’re like a self-esteem ninja, cutting you down with subtle digs until you barely recognize yourself.

(And wish I was speaking hypothetically here. I checked every single box on that list in the same relationship. Yup, a greatest-hits album of toxicity, all wrapped up in one emotionally exhausting package. It was like living inside a psychological thriller, but without the popcorn or the credits rolling anytime soon.)

Sound familiar? Welcome to the club none of us asked to join.

Healthy Feels Like… Alien Territory

So what happens when you finally find yourself in a relationship that’s, you know, functional? You’ll likely find yourself side-eyeing your partner like they’re secretly plotting something because they’re being… nice. And calm. And respectful.

You’ll vent about something small like, “Hey, I felt a bit ignored earlier when you were on your phone,” fully bracing yourself for the usual storm—defensiveness, blame-shifting, or worse. But instead, they say, “Oh, I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry, thanks for telling me.”

Excuse me?

It feels like you’re suddenly in a parallel universe where healthy communication is a thing. And the weirdest part? You don’t know what to do with it. You might even test it: throw out a “Can I be honest about how I’m feeling?” just to see if they’ll suddenly flip into their evil twin. Spoiler: they don’t. They just keep being normal.

The Surprise of Being Heard

It still catches me off guard sometimes. A year (or more) into a healthy relationship, and I still occasionally wait for the emotional punishment that never comes. Because when you’ve been conditioned to expect volatility, calm can feel suspicious. Like, where’s the chaos? Did I miss a memo?

But the beauty is, over time, that unease starts to fade. You realize that love isn’t supposed to make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. It’s not supposed to exhaust you, silence you, or make you doubt your worth.

Healthy love? It’s mutual respect. It’s hearing each other out—even when you don’t fully agree—and leaving space for both people to be, well, people.

So, What’s the Takeaway?

If you’ve ever left a toxic relationship and found yourself weirded out by how normal and kind your new relationship feels—you’re not broken, you’re just healing. It takes time to rewire your brain after you’ve been taught that love = survival mode.

But I promise you, you’ll get there.

You’ll start realizing that love can feel safe, supportive, and soft. Without the rollercoaster drops. And one day, you’ll speak your truth and notice that instead of punishment, you’re met with patience, understanding, and even a hug.

Wild, right?

But also? Pretty wonderful.

When you finally experience love that feels like breathing fresh air after being underwater for too long, you’ll catch yourself wondering why you ever thought anything else was normal.

At first, it might feel strange—quiet, steady, even a little too peaceful—but eventually, you’ll realize this is exactly what love should feel like.

And if you’re still finding your way out of survival mode, just know: you’re not alone, you’re not “too sensitive,” and you deserve a love that feels safe, soft, and wonderfully real.